Everything Changes...(sing it)

I know it has been a while since I have posted a blog, and I am very sorry for that. I will try to do better. Nothing much has happened, just a normal life living in a really awesome country where most of the time I don't understand what is being said. I am learning though. Soon I will start translating my blogs into chinese! (if you know anything about chinese, you know that this is probably a joke).

Ok, so since I have been back in china, many things have changed...some good and some not so good, but either way, change is necessary...it's a part of life so I am trying to go with the flow.

When we came back from Thailand, it was definitely warmer than when we left, but it got colder, and warmer, and colder, and it snowed one day, and now it is between 65-75 degrees during the day...well at least it has been for about a week now...I am not easily fooled though...I am used to Alabama weather, where it changes back and forth for about 2 months before it stays warm. Xian weather is very similar to Alabama weather (minus the humidity of course). So the weather has changed...

My relationships are changing too...People are getting ready to leave, and that makes things a little harder on everyone. Two of the people that I hang out with fairly regularly are not going to be here in Xian next year (brad and jenee), so I am working on processing that...It is hard to imagine living here without them being close by. To go along with that though, I am making more and more chinese friends. It is a little bit harder to make that work, but it seems to be going ok for me. I have met many people at the english corner that i help with, and that has proven to be a great place to make friends...and of course there are lots of other people in Xian that I really enjoy hanging out with...carrie b. and zach, jake and erin (who just got here)...and there are others...So even though I will be sad because of this change, I know that everything's gonna be alright.

I am changing little by little to be a better me...and part of that is reminding myself that it is not about me. When I get my feelings hurt or something happens to make me feel less than the best...it shouldn't derail my whole life, because I am not here for me...I am here to be a servant. I am asking myself two questions...am I building up or tearing down? and am I fighting for or fighting with. I am here to build people up, and fight for them...I am not here for any reason other than to be a servant to the people around me (including my american friends here in china). I can't say that I have been doing a great job of that lately...One major tactic that can be used against us is to focus us on ourselves...but it is not about me or what I want. I can't be selfish here, if I am I will be of no use to anyone. I don't even know if that made sense...

Transitions are hard....but change is not always bad.

I think things are a little harder because until now, I have always kind of known what big thing was coming next...
When I was little there was big school to go to...then later high school.
In high school, I knew there would be college...
In college, I knew there would be graduate school...
In graduate school, I knew there would be teaching and in china too...
Right now what I know is that I am going to be here for another year.
What next? will I get married? have children? go back to school?
I will go back and teach math, but I wanna know what I should do, where I can be used, not just what I could do. I want to impact the world...I promise to use my powers for good and not evil;)

Don't get me wrong...the not knowing is exciting but at the same time it freaks me out...that is where faith comes in. I believe that I will know what I need to know when I need to know it, and if I don't know for sure, then I will step out in faith...trusting that I will know...

You can know that I love china, and wouldn't be anywhere else right now... (except maybe eating mexican food)

I am really excited to see what my future holds, and can't wait to tell you all about it! love from china!

P.S. I know this blog got a little deep, so I promise the next one will be more fun and include pictures!